Prayers for Caleb

Caleb has been sick lately, a lot.  Certainly there has been a lot of sickness going around, but it seems he's had it worse than most.  In our house with 5 kids, 7 people total, we have all been sick at least a time or two this winter, some worse than others, but it seems like Caleb has hardly been well.  Over the last couple of months he has run countless fevers.  Last month he ran a fever (running 101-103) for nearly a full week.  After 3-4 days of being on Augmentin he finally started getting better, but he never seemed to actually get well.  His cough improved, runny nose diminished, but he stayed tired.  This is pretty much the same pattern he's had for a couple of months - he gets sick, seems to get mostly better, but before he is really well he's sick again.

Of even more concern is the total lack of energy he has had lately - he's not just tired, he's lethargic.  As an example, one day last week he came to me in the evening so exhausted I knew he would never make it to a reasonable bedtime.  I had him lay down thinking I would just let him rest for about an hour so the late nap wouldn't affect his sleep during the night.  However, he ended up sleeping from 6:30pm to 9:30am the next morning.  He used to sleep no more than 10-11 hours a night with no nap during the day.  Lately he's been sleeping much longer at night and frequently taking naps during the day, naps as long as 4-5 hours.  Today it was after noon before he woke up despite having gone to bed at a reasonable time last night.

Then there is the fact he hardly eats lately.  He just has no appetite.  It doesn't matter how much he loves the food, he hardly eats it.  It doesn't matter whether I'm making his favorite foods at home or we go out.  He used to devour a double cheeseburger from McDonald's, now he wouldn't eat half a single one.  He doesn't even eat sweet food much anymore.

Add the complete lack of energy, the loss of appetite, headaches, complaints of his stomach hurting (but never any signs of abdominal illness, i.e. no vomiting or diarrhea) and the frequent fevers and infections and I can't help but be a little worried.  A couple of days ago he woke up with another fever, 103 degrees, with no real explanation as to the cause.  I usually wait until my kids have been sick several days (at least) with no signs of improvement before I take them to the doctor (I prefer to give their immune system a chance to do its job - overuse of antibiotics is dangerous to both individuals and society as a whole, and it's wrong to assume that kids can't get well without antibiotics.)  However, with the concern I've had lately combined with yet another fever I decided to take him on to the doctor.  I figured even if they couldn't figure it out right away it would get the fever documented and hopefully get the ball rolling to figure out what was wrong.

We didn't see our usual doctor, but the doctor we saw instead seemed very knowledgeable... and very concerned.  Even without having ever seen Caleb before to know what "normal" is like for Caleb, he felt Caleb looked sick.  However, the strep test, flu test, and urinalysis all came back negative.  There was no obvious explanation for Caleb's fever and lethargy.  Unfortunately, this leaves the possibility of things far more serious than I really care to think about.  We will follow up with our normal doctor next week.  The doctor we saw last night said we need to be prepared to deal with a lot of testing until we figure out what is affecting Caleb.

When I had Caleb at the doctor's office just last month for illness he was referred to an immunologist for allergy and asthma testing.  He was found to have pretty severe allergies with reactive airway disease and will start shots next week (he is NOT happy about that!).  There is a possibility all his illnesses, fevers, lethargy, etc. are related to his bad allergies.  Perhaps the combination of him being in school and all the wet, cold weather just stressed him further than his body could handle.  (We had originally been homeschooling him, put him in school in the late fall (late Oct/early Nov), and pulled him back out early last month.)  That is what I'm hoping for, that it's nothing more serious than bad allergies tearing down his immune system.  There is also the possibility he has had mono, which would be much preferable to some of the other possibilities.

So please pray all the testing goes well, that we find there to be nothing seriously wrong with Caleb, and that he is able to get over all this soon so he can enjoy life again.

Also, just in case anyone from my family actually reads this, or anyone else that knows my grandparents, please do NOT mention anything about it to them.  My grandmother worries far too much anyway so I have always preferred not to mention anything to her that would give her more reason to worry.

Caleb during the allergy testing.  I gave up working on school work with him, and he didn't even want his Nintendo.  I decided to try to distract him with the camera, but it's heartbreaking to see how pitiful he looks in the pictures!

Look at the discoloration under his eyes.  This is something that has really bothered me over the last couple of months - it's bad enough sometimes I have even edited some of his pictures just to get rid of the color under his eyes  He has also seemed especially pale lately, even more so than he normally is in winter.

Taking a break while the others keep playing.  It was so sweet to see our cat go sit with him!  Neither Ernie nor I have never known a better cat, and since we got it several years before Caleb was born it has been a constant, beloved companion to him since infancy.

I want to see him full of color again, without the discoloration under his eyes (this picture is from about 2 years ago).

I want to see him full of energy again, our "blond tornado" as my husband calls him.

With baseball about to start again I want to see him feeling well enough to enjoy playing.  Last year he lost his first tooth during baseball season - you can see it missing on the bottom.  This year I think he'll lose his first upper tooth just in time for baseball.

I want to see him running even faster this year, and I won't even mind all the dirt!

I want him to climb into my lap because it's his favorite place, not because he is too tired to do anything else.

I want my little angel back to himself, full of happiness, full of excitement, full of energy, and enjoying life to the fullest.

Six months ago today...

...a quiet young man walked into our lives, and our world was forever changed.  I have no pictures of the day - our new son really disliked getting his picture taken and I figured doing something he hated would be a very poor way to start things off with him!  However, it was a wonderful day.  We signed all the paperwork to complete Joshua's adoption within about 15 minutes of meeting him.  Due to the fact the adoption had to be completed before his 14th birthday they had given us special permission to complete his adoption on the same day we received him as opposed to waiting the usual 24 hours.

Getting approval to adopt Joshua was not easy.  Our adoption agency doesn't allow the adoption of 2 unrelated kids at one time, and we were already in process to adopt Micaelyn.  It took many weeks, far too many committee meetings, extra interviews with social workers (for our kids as well), and lots of writing.  In the end I wrote around 37,000 words in defense of our ability to adopt Joshua along with Micaelyn.  For every question that was given I had a solid answer.  My husband (who loves my writing ability and was apparently quite proud of my effort) said I left our agency with no argument.  However, the words were not my own, they were my Father's.  God put the words in my head, worked through me to fulfill His purpose.  He softened the hearts of the people in the agency who were against us, and He gave power to those who cared enough about a child to realize his life was more important than their rule.

In the end we were right - we were capable of successfully adopting both children.  Joshua and Micaelyn are both doing wonderfully.  Our agency states they do not let people adopt two unrelated children at one time because "this is in the best interest of each child."  Given the likely alternative for Joshua (life as an orphan) there was virtually no way for them to argue that our adopting Joshua was not in his best interest.  For Micaelyn the case was not as obvious.  However, I argued that as a little girl she would probably have a very difficult transition and Joshua may be able to help her through it.  I truly believe this turned out to be the case.  It was just after we got Joshua that Micaelyn started showing signs of happiness (see the pictures on my previous post of her on her fourth day with us - this was the day after we got Joshua).  By the second day with Joshua, Micaelyn had truly opened up.  Her grief turned to joy, her tears to laughter.  To this day, even though they have little interaction with each other it is obvious Micaelyn has a special attachment to Joshua.  She loves all her siblings, but she seems connected to him.  To imagine not having adopted BOTH children together is nearly unimaginable!

It took a huge battle and a true miracle from God to get our agency's approval to adopt Joshua along with Micaelyn.  On the day they told us we had finally gotten approval they said we were not the rare exception to their rule, we were the only exception.  While I was happy for us, I prayed our case would open the door for other families to adopt 2 kids at one time so more children could find families.  Miraculously there have been 2 other families since our battle to get approval to bring home 2 kids at the same time (in both families the second child was aging out just as Joshua was).  I am grateful to our agency for giving more children the chance to be loved.  The battle to get approval for Joshua's adoption was very hard on us, but it feels wonderful to know God worked through us to help other orphans find families.  Perhaps the success stories of these adoptions will help to bring even more children into the arms of love!

Joshua still doesn't like to get his picture made, so I have to catch him when he doesn't notice.  Thank goodness for a zoom lens and the ability to crop photos since I'm usually pretty far off (trying not to be noticed by him).  However, he is a really good kid, a true blessing to have in our home!  It's so hard to believe we almost didn't get to adopt him just because we found Micaelyn first!

From tears to laughter

One of the things that can make adoption so hard is the grief a child goes through in leaving behind all they have ever known, especially with children like Micaelyn who were fortunate enough to receive the love of a caring foster family.  Micaelyn had been with her foster family since infancy.  They were all she had ever known.  It was obviously a close family - she was loved not just by parents but also by grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.  She had cousins.  I believe many of them either lived together in the same household or at the least they all lived very close together.  Micaelyn was obviously loved by them, and she loved them as any 3 1/2 year old child loves her family.  It is hard enough for a person, especially a small child, to accept the loss of one loved family member - to accept the loss of your entire family is nearly unbearable.

Needless to say Micaelyn grieved severely when we first received her.  It was truly heartbreaking to watch her suffer through such a great loss.  She cried incessantly.  She screamed.  She stood by the window yelling for her foster family, and she frequently tried to leave the room to go find them.  Numerous times throughout each night she would get up to leave the room (she learned right away how to unlock the door, even with the deadbolt).  She wouldn't sleep, which undoubtedly only made it that much harder for her to deal with the transition.  Whenever there were Chinese people around she would pull away from us and beg them to take her home.

Thankfully we were prepared to deal with Micaelyn's grieving.  Honestly, we prepared ourselves to deal with much worse.  We felt very blessed in that although Micaelyn grieved severely for her foster family, she did not resist us (at least not me, she wouldn't initially have much to do with her new daddy).  She readily stayed with me most of the time, clung to me very tightly, followed me everywhere, and enjoyed letting me hold and care for her.  She had no problems either giving or receiving affection from me.  Other than when the foster family left and we first took her back to the hotel she didn't ever try to physically fight us.  She was really a good kid who just happened to be grieving hard.

We initially thought Micaelyn's grieving would be like Malachi's had been (who was adopted at age 2 1/2 and had also lived with a foster family).  However, we were wrong.  As it turns out Micaelyn's adjustment actually went much better.  Malachi didn't scream as much (though he cried a lot), but he would frequently completely shut down emotionally, becoming nearly lifeless.  Just like Micaelyn he had trouble sleeping and would frequently awaken during the night crying.  Thankfully he also attached to us very readily, particularly to me, but he continued to grieve for several months.  Though he was overall quite happy and playful, over the first several months after his adoption there would still be times in which he would shut down emotionally or wake up in the night crying fiercely.  Whenever we went anywhere he would cling tightly to me, and he was very shy around people he didn't know (even if we obviously knew them).  It took a full year for him to really open up and show his full personality.

With Micaelyn, while the initial grieving was extreme, she overcame it much quicker.  Literally just 2 weeks after we got her she seemed completely secure in her attachment to us.  Where she had initially preferred Chinese people over us, she would no longer talk to Chinese people by the time we left China.  The people in the hotel in Guangzhou even remarked on her as we were leaving, commenting on how hard she had been crying when we first checked in versus how happy she was when we checked out.  While she had initially completely refused to try out any English words, by the time we left she seemed eager to learn our language.  Once we left China she had to make another transition to her new home, a new country, new food, etc while simultaneously overcoming jet lag.  Yet within just one week she was sleeping well and rarely asking about her foster family.  Within as little as 2 weeks home (1 month after we got her) it was as if we had always had her.  She had attached to us beautifully and was as happy as a child could possibly be.

Many children will grieve intensely just as Micaelyn did.  With some the grieving will last for months just as it did with Malachi.  Perhaps Micaelyn and Malachi's stories will prepare adoptive parents who have yet to travel for the possibility of grieving and give hope for their child to eventually overcome the grieving.  With both Malachi and Micaelyn we said we were happy to see them grieving because we knew that meant they were attached to their foster family and therefore knew how to attach and love, which meant they would also be able to attach to and love us.  Though it was difficult to deal with some of the challenges of the grieving process (e.g. screaming, crying, trying to leave, not sleeping, etc.), it is far easier to deal with the short term challenges of grieving than to deal with the long term challenges of a child who has problems with attachment, and the blessing of having your new child so happily and securely attached to you after going through such a difficult transition is beyond words!

The day we got her.  She was crying for her "baba" (Chinese foster dad) so I gave her a picture of her with him which she clung to for dear life.

The foster family had given her a bag with some yogurt drinks and pomegranates.  She refused to put it down and carried it everywhere.

Even though she kept crying out for her foster family she still readily let me hold her and take care of her.  She let me feed her, change her clothes, and was obviously happy to let me paint her nails.  You can see her staring at the picture of her with her foster dad, and the reason she stayed by the window was because she kept calling out to them looking for them outside.

This was after we walked to WalMart.  You can tell she is trying to smile, but you can also still see the sadness in her eyes.  Notice she still had the picture, but she also had a little wand we had gotten her at WalMart.  The bed is covered in all sorts of her things, some things from her foster family and a lot of new things from us.  She loved all the new clothes, necklaces, and toys.

The next morning she was ready to "que ja," i.e. go home.  She apparently really liked the shoes I had brought for her since she chose to wear them.  She tried to pack the ones from the foster family in her backpack, but since they wouldn't both fit she ended up carry one.  She still carried the wand from us (she had put her picture inside her backpack).

We saw plenty of tears during her first days with us.

It was a great blessing that she so readily accepted affection from me and wanted me to carry her around.

She screamed during her first bath!

This is her third day with us.  She still spent most of her time by the window screaming for her foster family.  In addition to her picture she kept holding a tube of toothpaste which they had left with her (it was actually one I had sent to her in a care package before we traveled, though I think she associated it with them).

 

It was so heartbreaking to see her so sad, but also completely understandable for her to be so upset.

We took frequent walks outside to calm her down.  She enjoyed riding in the stroller.  The walks didn't make her happy, but they did at least give her a rest from crying.  She was definitely watching for her foster family at all times while we were out, hoping we were taking her to them.  Thus going back to the hotel was always rough!

This was 4 days after we got her.  She was starting to warm up to us a little, become a little more interactive.  Caleb was very helpful in trying to get her to play and be happy (he was also good at finding the hidden stash of Oreos, which she obviously enjoyed!)

This picture shows progress in her adjustment - she was actually starting to interact with us, show interest in being with us.

This was also on the 4th day.  You can definitely tell she was starting to play and show signs of happiness.

It was so wonderful to see her actually smiling.  She also had the cutest way of making the peace/victory sign with her fingers!

By the evening of her fifth day with us we finally got to see her true personality.  She spent several hours running around the hotel rooms, laughing, playing, full of happiness and excitement.

Once she opened up we could tell she was a real firecracker with plenty of spunk.  We knew right away she wouldn't have any trouble keeping up with her big brothers!

No more screaming in the bathtub!

After an evening of laughter I feared Micaelyn would wake up the next morning grieving just as she has been before.  However, once she opened up on the fifth evening with us she never went back to such severe grieving.  She would occasionally cry for her foster family, especially if she was tired or upset about something (e.g. she got in trouble, didn't get something she wanted, or didn't feel well like after she got all her shots).  However, she readily accepted that she was with us from then on, and for the most part she acted as if she had always been with us.  She was full of happiness, full of excitement, and full of love.

This was at the hotel in Hong Kong, our last night in China.  The transformation she had made in just 2 1/2 weeks was simply amazing - it was truly an answer to prayers!

Isn't it amazing that a child who had grieved so much could become so happy in such a short time period?  I thank God for all the friends and family who prayed for her and us.

Happy at home!

She is always smiling!

I love the way her little piggie tails meet her chin to form a heart shape around her face.  She really is an adorable little girl!

This was Malachi on his first day with us at 2 1/2 years old.

He cried a lot, but he didn't scream as much as Micaelyn did.  I think his heart condition made it harder for him to cry for long periods of time, so he often just had a forlorn look on his face with tears in his eyes.

At the hotel in New Delhi several days after we got him (he was from Bangalore).

Even after he was home and generally happy he would have periods of time in which he completely shut down emotionally.

Thankfully, although he continued to grieve for several months, overall he was a happy little boy (and astonishingly beautiful!)

Celebrating Micaelyn

Four years ago today a precious baby girl was found at the back of a restaurant in Guiyang, China.  The weather was cold, windy, and rainy on that winter day.  I hope the precious baby didn't wait long out in that terrible weather.  I wonder if the person who left her there was waiting by to make sure someone found her.  If I had to guess I would bet they probably abandoned her not for lack of loving her but because of her special needs.  The combination of multiple birth defects with an enlarged tongue that was too big to even fit into her mouth (according to her paperwork her tongue was also "slightly cyanotic") was a sign of something more than just the obvious birth defects.  While they may not have known exactly what was wrong with her, they almost certainly knew she had some sort of genetic syndrome, and if they did know what was wrong with her they would have known she would need blood work done every 6 weeks and ultrasounds every 12 weeks to screen for tumors and that her risk for childhood cancer was very high.  They were probably told she would need treatment for club foot, and they may have been told she might need surgery to reduce the size of her tongue.  She was in the poorest province in all of China, people there do not have insurance to cover medical expenses, and those who cannot afford to pay do not receive treatment (it is an absolute miracle she had already received life-saving abdominal surgery as a newborn to put her abdominal contents inside her body where they belong).  Her needs were probably more than her birth family could handle financially.  Perhaps when they gave her up they prayed she would find her way into the arms of a loving family in America where she could receive all the necessary care to allow her to live a long and happy life.  I pray God gives them peace and comfort whenever they think about their precious baby girl, and I pray they are my brothers and sisters in Christ so that one day we can all be together in Heaven.

It was six months ago today that precious little girl walked into our arms, and our world was forever changed. Her smile is adorable, her laugh is contagious, and her love is amazing!  She is an absolute joy, so loving and affectionate, a true sweetheart.  She readily captures the heart of all she meets.  When we are out in public people often seem completely captivated by her.  She is full of spunk with a smile that lights up any room.  She is so full of happiness, so full of love, and we are indescribably blessed to have her in our lives!

This picture was taken a month ago on her 4th birthday.  When she was found on March 5 they assigned her a birth date of February 5.  I was hoping to have more cake for her today, but between baseball tryouts, a football scrimmage, and an awards ceremony for basketball our day was pretty packed.  I'm sure she'll be just as happy with cake tomorrow!