Free day in Guiyang (Tuesday, September 7)

Thankfully, the day after we completed the adoption paperwork, we finally had a free day. It was really good to not have to go anywhere with Micaelyn. Whenever we were with the guide/driver/etc. she would cry to go back to her foster family. The more time we spent with Chinese people the more she would want them over us. As long as it was just us she readily wanted me to hold her (she didn't want anything to do with her new daddy!). Thus it was good to have a day to spend alone with her. We were able to take our time at the breakfast buffet, take a nap during the day (at least we tried!), take a couple of walks around the hotel, and visit an American owned coffee shop that had great sandwiches, soup, and smoothies.  It was a much needed break for Micaelyn.  The trip back to the Civil Affairs Office and orphanage the previous day (one or both of which she had probably been on numerous occasions with her foster family since the government officials had to keep records on her and monitor her development) had really been hard for her.  I think once we came back from those places she really started to understand the finality of her life with her foster family.  Her grieving was extreme.

My poor little girl was so sad.  She would look endlessly out the window, crying for her foster dad to come to her.

She kept holding the picture I had given her of her foster dad and her on her birthday.  When we sent the care package to her for her birthday many months before I was disappointed to have gotten only one photo, but in the end that photo was priceless.  The thing in her other hand is toothpaste.  I had sent it in the care package but it was returned unopened.  However, while she apparently didn't know what it was, she knew it had come from her home so she wouldn't let it go.

The window from our room overlooked WalMart, which was underground.  The glass pyramids are the entrances, the beautiful lawn is the roof.  In the very bottom right hand corner you can just barely see the river that runs through the town.

Caleb standing at the entrance to a Chinese WalMart.  It was an interesting place, to say the least!  Aside from being a great place to get food, cheap toys, and other necessities, it was  a great way to pass the time and keep the kids occupied.

Walking was a great way to give Micaelyn a break from crying.  Although she was still sad, she obviously enjoyed riding around in the stroller.

She was very interested in everything.

Standing on the roof of WalMart

When she saw the boys posing for their picture she decided she wanted to do the same and climbed out of the stroller to get her picture made.  Of course, she was grieving too much to smile, but I took it as a positive sign that she was at least interacting, wanting to be involved.

WalMart's roof was so beautifully landscaped, and in a city packed with buildings it provided a great park for all the people.

We were really impressed with the idea of WalMart underground with a park on top - what a great way to add shopping amenities without taking away from the landscape, and as well as it was maintained it actually added to the landscape.

Micaelyn's Adoption Day (Monday, September 6)

We received Micaelyn on Sunday, September 5, and the next day we were able to complete the adoption paperwork officially making her our daughter.  Given the significance of the day I wanted to go back and blog about it before moving forward.

After a restless first night with us, Micaelyn understandably woke up teary eyed.

She packed her bag and headed for the door.  She was frustrated she couldn't get everything she wanted into her little backpack.  I think she really liked the shoes I had brought for her because she chose to wear them and pack the others, but since both wouldn't fit she decided to carry one.  The orange puppy was from the foster family, and the pink butterfly wand was one we had bought for her when we had walked to WalMart the previous evening (the day we received her).

Considering how much she was missing her foster family I considered it a great blessing to get a few smiles out of her.

For more than a year I had looked at Micaelyn's picture knowing she was my daughter, and I had so often imagined how cute she would look with little piggie tails (she had little to no hair in the few pictures we had of her, and it was never pulled up).  I was so very happy to finally put her hair up in piggie tails with little bows!

Big brother Caleb tried so hard to comfort her.

I knew going back to the Civil Affairs Office to complete the adoption paperwork would be very difficult. Just the day before her foster family had brought her there. Returning there was certain to cause her to expect to see them again, and when they didn't show up it would only increase her grieving. Unfortunately we had no choice, despite how confusing and painful it would be for Micaelyn.

Just as we expected, she broke down when we got back to the Civil Affairs Office.

It was absolutely heartbreaking to see her so upset, but at the same time we felt so very grateful our precious little girl had been loved enough to cause such heartache.  That she had been so greatly loved and cared for, that she had felt love and been able to give it back, meant she knew how to accept love and to love those who loved her.  That she had been so closely attached to a family before meant she would have the capacity to strongly attach to us.  Thus, while it was heartbreaking to watch her suffer such tremendous pain over the loss of her foster family, it was also a blessing to know she had been so greatly loved.

Caleb was trying so hard to be a good big brother to her.

 

One aspect of her special need, Beckwith Weidemann Syndrome, is an enlarged tongue.  Thus it often protrudes somewhat from her mouth, and she rarely closes her mouth all the way.

In order to get a picture of her with her mouth closed I usually have to catch her just after she swallows.  I think she is always adorable, but with her mouth closed it's easy to see just how beautiful she really is.

She was so cute carrying a cup of water around in one hand, the little wand we had bought at WalMart in the other hand.  She liked filling her mouth with water and holding it there.

She had to put her hand print on the adoption paperwork.  I was really praying none of the red ink would get on her beautiful little dress my mom had made for her!

She was extremely fascinated by the digital cameras!

After we completed the adoption paperwork at the Civil Affairs Office we visited the orphanage where Micaelyn was taken after she was first found as an infant. It was a long drive on a rather hot day. It had already been bad enough that we had to go back to the Civil Affairs Office, the same place where Micaelyn's foster family had left her the day before. I knew going to the orphanage wouldn't help matters any, but I also knew it was important. I wanted to see it, and even more significantly I wanted the boys to see it, especially Caleb who I knew had enough maturity to really learn something and be changed by the visit.

After the long drive we ended up spending a lot of time waiting around in a small room before actually touring the orphanage. All 3 of the kids were hot, bored, and cranky. Micaelyn was doing her best to convince all the Chinese people (e.g. our guide, driver, etc.) to take her back to her family. Ernie wondered why we were wasting our time and going to so much trouble just to see the orphanage, especially since Micaelyn spent so little time there. However, as soon as we started touring the orphanage and seeing kids his mind was changed, he understood. He saw the line of preschoolers sitting on baby potties, looking lifeless as if they were accustomed to sitting there for endless hours each day. He saw the sweet faces of children and felt the tug of his heart for those precious boys and girls. He was hugged by a boy who wanted nothing more than to be loved, who the social workers told us had been praying for a family, all while knowing chances are very slim his wish will ever come true. It certainly wasn't our first visit to an orphanage, and of all our adopted children Micaelyn spent the least time in the orphanage (after about 2 weeks she was place with a foster family through the orphanage), but even so it was life changing. Ernie even admitted to me later that evening how significant it had been to see those children and that he felt bad for getting angry with me about going there.

I wish more people could experience that, see countless precious children so desperate for a family, desperately wanting to be loved. I have been to orphanages in Siberia (Russia), India, and China. Though the children may all look very different, inside they are all precious souls in need of love. It may seem a big challenge to jump through so many hurdles completing endless paperwork, travel around the world, and bring home a child who has lived in a completely different culture, knows no English, and may have any number of physical and psychological issues to deal with, but the blessings far outweigh the challenges!

I think Caleb was nearly as upset as I was at the orphanage.  Even at his young age he could feel the terrible sadness that comes in seeing so many precious young children with no mommies and daddies to love them, no home, few if any toys, etc.  Here he is looking at 2 babies sharing a small bed.  One of them had it's head stuck in between the bars and was crying when we walked in.  This would have been the room Micaelyn was put in before she went to her foster family, so she may very well have lain in the same bed.

The trip to the orphanage was truly heartbreaking. It is always difficult to see the ones who are left behind, the ones who continue to wait, the ones who may never feel the love of a family. Their faces will be forever etched in our memory, their hearts will be forever remembered in our prayers. However, when you see that, when you see the life that was almost your child's, you can't help but never want to let go of her while also vowing to do all that you can to help more people understand the joy of adoption in hopes more children will come to know the love of a family.

Walking back to the van with the driver.  He was a wonderfully sweet man, and an amazing driver!

Standing together outside of Micaelyn's orphanage.  She was brought in through those doors as an orphan, but she left as our BELOVED DAUGHTER, praise God!!!

At the end of the day Micaeyln got her first bath from Mommy.  She wasn't too happy about it, but at least she was clean!

Three months ago... (Sunday, September 5)

... a precious little angel walked into my life, and my heart was forever changed. She was the little girl I had felt in my heart for more than half my life (I knew even as a kid I would one day adopt a little girl from China). I had stared at her picture for endless hours knowing for more than a year she was my little girl, and for months before I had known for sure she was mine I had looked at her sweet face on various photolistings and prayed she would have a family while wondering about the tug on my heart I had for her. Needless to say, this moment was a VERY long awaited moment, but it was well worth the wait!

My first glimpse of her - as soon as the car was stopped I saw the foster grandmother who I recognize from pictures (we had always assumed she was the foster mom), and I began eagerly searching around for Micaelyn. Then I saw a man leading the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen up the street, my precious DAUGHTER!

The pictures stopped after this one, because at that moment for the first time ever I held my baby girl in my arms. The moment was indescribable. It was like a piece of my heart that had been missing forever had been found. My love for her was both instantaneous and intense. No matter how hard I fought them back there was no holding back the tears, tears of joy, for the precious child I had waited so desperately long for was finally in my arms to love forever.

Right away we were led into the building to the place we were supposed to have met Micaelyn. After a few minutes I reluctantly let her out of my arms so Ernie could hold her. Of course, since I am the only one that ever takes any pictures, this is when the pictures started back up.

Micaelyn gets some final loving from her beloved foster dad. The bond between them was obvious. His love and adoration for her was clear. It was heartbreaking to think about the separation that was to come all too soon.

The foster granddad (foster dad's dad) looks on. Clearly he had also been very close and loving towards Micaelyn.

It's often said there is a special bond between dads and daughters (and likewise between moms and sons). Micaelyn was truly blessed to have been so greatly loved by both a foster dad and granddad during the first 3 1/2 years of her life before she came to us. We know all too well how a child can be affected when they live without this love, and thus we are so grateful to God for the people in Micaelyn's province that stepped out to make a difference in the lives of the precious children who were suffering in the orphanages. We have heard from many sources the foster care program there was started by a group of Christians who wanted to help these children. Because they answered the call to care for the orphans hundreds of children like Micaelyn have received love and care so vital to their healthy development. The difference that love makes it unmistakable... and amazing.

While playing with the other kids Micaelyn fell down and got hurt a little. She immediately went to her foster dad for comfort. It was a very touching moment to see him care for her not just in fun as he had been doing but also in a comforting way when she was sad. It was also a brief glimpse at just how hard her grief would be without him there to comfort her once the foster family left.

Caleb tries to get her to play some more.

The family photo, necessary for the adoption paperwork, was taken before the foster family left. Otherwise it would have been impossible to take it, because once they were gone my poor little girl was overcome with trauma and grief. The moment she realized they were gone she began screaming and fighting. We were one of those families you sometimes read about, the one where the child is so traumatized they scream and fight for dear life and literally have to be held in restraint due to their kicking, flailing, and trying to escape.  There was no calming her down, and I didn't feel it even made sense to. I knew the best thing was to just get back to the peace of the hotel room. It was a long ride back, and while I was ever so happy to finally have my precious daughter in my arms it was heartbreaking to know how much she was hurting inside.

Back at the hotel I got Micaelyn cleaned up and changed. It felt so wonderful to finally be able to dress her after looking at clothes and dreaming of her wearing them for over a year. I gave her a photo of her foster dad holding her at her birthday. She clung to it for dear life. She would stay by the window where she would look down to the street and scream "BABA!!!!!!!!!" at the top of her lungs. She would hold the photo right up to her face and scream "Baba!" as if touching the photo might somehow bring him back. This was so very hard for me, because I remembered doing nearly the same thing when my dad had died a few years ago - I would look at his picture and desperately wish it could really be him instead of just a picture. It was so hard to grasp the concept of him being forever gone, to never again be able to hear his voice, to hug him, to talk to him. I understood how Micaelyn felt over the loss of someone so special, her "baba." It was heartbreaking to see her pain, and at the same time it was heartbreaking to remember my own pain both at the loss of my father more recently and also the loss of my first stepdad as a child, both of whom she is named after. Thus it was so natural for me to hold her and comfort her, and thankfully she wanted me to do so.

 
Later in the evening we walked to WalMart as a diversion. I knew she would probably stop crying in hopes she was going back to the foster family, and though I knew she would be disappointed when we came back to the hotel I also felt she needed to get outside and take a break. I carried her in my arms the ENTIRE time (all 38 pounds of her!) because I felt it better for her to stay close and feel my touch on her. She obviously enjoyed picking out some new toys, a new shirt, and some snacks. She loved to look at all her things we had brought from the US, the things left with her by the foster family, and the new things we had just gotten. It was fun to watch her look at everything. She was obviously very pleased with all the new clothes. She also was very happy to have new necklaces and bracelets and she loved having me paint her fingernails and toenails.

I knew nighttime would be very hard for her. However, she was so exhausted she didn't fight going to bed (though she did wake up crying through the night). Caleb was so sweet to her, and I think she was really comforted by his gentleness towards her.

There aren't words to describe the love I felt right from the beginning for this precious little girl. We had started this adoption thinking we would adopt a baby girl from China, not a 3 1/2 year old. However, as soon as I held her I knew she was mine, I knew she was the child I had been waiting for, the one I had loved in my heart for years before she was even born. It was truly as if she were a part of me that had been missing and finally found. From the moment I first held her I knew I was 100% completely head over hills in love with her. She is a true blessing from God.