In my last post I mentioned how many people talk about adoption but few ever do it. Like I said, it must sound nice to say, "We've thought about adopting." I hear it all the time, always followed by excuses to explain why they haven't done it yet and almost certainly never will.
The most common excuse I hear is the financial burden of adoption. To that I argue that if you really want to adopt, you will find a way to make it happen. I have seen many families complete adoptions that cost more than a year's salary for them, yet they did it. Most adoptive parents do not wait until we have $20,000 or more to adopt, we go on faith that God will provide. We save, and we work hard.
In January my husband and I will celebrate 11 years of marriage. In that 11 years we have NEVER taken a real vacation. My husband has long since wanted to take me to Europe where he was born. His grandmother still lives there, and he hasn't gotten to see her in all this time. At her age, there isn't much time left to be able to see her. He has friends in several countries across Europe he has wanted me to meet, and I know he longs to return to places that are special to him. Yet, we have not traveled to Europe. Nor have we traveled to Hawaii or any other resort destination. We've not been on a cruise, we didn't even go to Disney World when we lived just a short drive away in Florida and could have gotten passes at a great discount for being a Florida resident. We have driven to San Antonio, Texas to see my husband's dad only twice in 11 years. We have never traveled as a family to California to visit his mom, though fortunately he has had several opportunities to visit there himself, often through work so that expenses were covered. Why have we never taken a vacation? Why have we visited family so few times? Why has my husband not been back to the land of his birth to see his elderly grandmother since our marriage 11 years ago? It is because we have not just "thought about" adopting, we are doing it! Thus we have made sacrifices. Yes, adoption is expensive, but through sacrifice and hard work we are making it happen time and time again. Yes, we have dealt with debt at a time in which countless financial experts, especially Christian ones, have seminars and programs teaching us to be debt free. Yet, we feel this debt is worthwhile. What parent wouldn't spend thousands on medical treatment to save their child's life just because it would put them in debt? In the same way, if someone truly wants to adopt the financial burden will not stop them. It may cause them to sacrifice vacations and other luxuries, it may mean a second job, it may mean some debt, but it won't mean their child remains an orphan.
The financial burden isn't the only excuse I'm given. Many people have told me, "Well, we thought about adopting, but then I got pregnant again." I just don't even understand this excuse. Adoption is not just for infertile people, and getting pregnant doesn't mean you can't adopt! My husband and I had actually planned for adoption as our FIRST choice to having a child. We had hoped to adopt first, and then have a child biologically. However, when we first started looking into adoption I was several years too young (most agencies require you to be at least 25). Thus we ended up having a biological child first, but even during my pregnancy we were planning an adoption. Caleb was just 7 months old when we started the adoption process for Christina.
Likewise, others have told me they would like to adopt but they feel they already have too many kids (saddest part is the ones who say this usually only have 2-4, maybe 5 kids). If you really want to adopt, it won't matter how many kids you have. I know of many adoptive families who have at least 7 kids and are adopting yet again, and there are more than a few families out there with at least 10 kids who are still bringing more home. Don't use your children as an excuse!
Another excuse I'm given sometimes is age - people think they are just too old to adopt. I know of many, many people who are in their 50's adopting children. Some are adopting babies and toddlers, and others who feel too old to parent such a young child are reaching out to help the older kids who are so often "overlooked" by most people's desire to adopt a baby or toddler. If you really are too old (or perhaps have health problems) to make adoption a viable option for you personally, perhaps you could help your grown children or another family to adopt.
These are just some of the excuses people give for not adopting. Most of the time these excuse are really just a way of saying, "We don't really want to adopt a child." I have talked to a few people who I know are serious about wanting to adopt and who I think probably will do so in the future. To anyone who is serious about adopting, we are more than willing to give you any advice, encouragement, and support we can to help you in the journey. To those who have just "thought about adopting," I urge you to do more than just think about it - pray about it, research it, and do it!!!
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