Sunday, February 21, 2010

Micaelyn's name, part 1

My parent's divorced when I was little, and at that point I wasn't very close to my father. He lived a couple of hours away and didn't see us very much, and when he did it was so hard for me to be apart from my mom that I was pretty much miserable when I was with him. He was also having a hard time dealing with the very unexpected death of his younger brother (he had no other siblings) who had died suddenly of a heart attack at only 26 years old. Though I loved my father still, he really wasn't very active in my life then.

Thus when my mom remarried it was easy for me to embrace my stepdad as a new daddy (not as a replacement for my father, just as someone to give me the daily love I needed as a little girl). Very sadly, my stepdad died of Lou Gehrig's disease at only 28 years of age. I was heartbroken! There aren't words to describe how much I was hurting inside. I remember being told I would see him again one day in Heaven, and all I could think was how much I wanted to die then so I wouldn't have to wait so long to see him. It was just days before my 7th birthday that he died, and today is the anniversary of his funeral.

Many years ago while I was going through some old photographs and boxes of negatives for a present I was working on for my father I happened upon some things my mom had saved from my stepdad's funeral. I don't remember writing them. All I remember about the funeral was how terribly sad I felt and how indescribably awful it was to say good-bye to him that last time before they closed the casket. I don't think I will ever be able to think of that moment without crying, and though young at the time my own words from that day best describe how I felt about my stepdad.

However, as sad as that one is, it's what I wrote on the back of the next one I find especially intriguing.

To say I was distraught on that day isn't enough, there just aren't any better words to describe how I felt. However, despite my terrible grief, I knew God had a plan for me. As much as I wanted to die so I could be with my stepdad and not have to feel the pain anymore, I understood God had given me life and I wanted to live it for Him. As I got older, I chose not to dwell on my stepdad's death but rather his life. Despite the terrible disease that took him at far too young of an age, he never wavered in his faith. The words from his favorite song which was sung at the funeral tell it beautifully:

I've had many tears and sorrows
I've had questions for tomorrow
There've been times I didn't know right from wrong
But in every situation
God gave blessed consolation
That my trials only come to make me strong

I've been a lot of places
And I've seen so many faces
But there've been times I've felt so all alone
But in that lonely hour
In that precious, lonely hour
Jesus let me know I was His own

Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to trust in Jesus
I've learned to trust in God
Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to depend upon His Word

So I thank God for the mountains
And I thank Him for the valleys
I thank Him for the storms He's brought me through
Cause if I never had a problem
I wouldn't know that He could solve them
I wouldn't know what faith in His Word could do

Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to trust in Jesus
I've learned to trust in God
Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to depend upon His Word
Yes, I've learned to depend upon His Word
I've learned to depend upon His Word

In case you'd like to actually hear the song, here is a beautiful version of it by Selah.

The first part of Micaelyn's name is after my first stepdad, Michael. His life was too short, but he touched many people during his time here on earth. He may have died when I was just a small child, but he will always be a part of my life. I am very blessed to have been his "daughter," and I can think of no better way to honor him than to name my own precious daughter after him.


The Kings said...

Thank you for sharing your story! It is powerful testimony to God's ability to bring "beauty from the ashes" of our lives. I am sure stepfather would be very proud of you!
Lori King

Yoli said...

My heart aches for that little girl you were. What a wonderful man your step Dad was, no doubt you will meet again.


Mom 4 Kids said...

I had a family member die of Lou Gehrig's also, terrible stuff. Your daughter's name is beautiful and a beautiful namesake.

Anonymous said...

Today is February 23. Happy Birthday to Jennifer(Baby girl)! I also called her Lucy when she was a little girl. I am so proud of you!
Love from Mama and Daddy

Anonymous said...

hi Jennifer,

happy birthday, I hope you have a year full of wonderful surprises. i would like to sent you some outfits for Easter for each of the children but since i do not have their size would you prefer i sent you some money or gift certificate for a store of your choice.
My garden is full of spring flowers. last year i planted over 275 daffodils and 90 tulips, those were presents from all my friends . It really has a touch of Europe. The garden look as good as the " keukenhof" in minatiure of course.

Hope to hear from you really soon.

love and hugs from california to you and the kids and of course my big boy Ernie..

Mommy and auntie Viviane.