Saturday, February 27, 2010

Happy Birthday!

After a busy day with my parents in town I wanted to jump on here before the day is over to wish my mother-in-law and her twin sister a happy birthday.

Dear Betty and Viviane,
It was a beautiful day here with just enough snow to be pretty. I hope it was a nice day there as well for your birthday. The boys and I have been sick, but the boys at least are getting better. Caleb is excited to have his first loose tooth, while I am a little sad to see him growing up! They will start playing baseball for our church team soon. Last year Caleb was the youngest kid on the team. He got to start at only 4 yrs old since his daddy coached, and so now that Malachi is 4 he wants to play too. I'm sure the two of them together on a team will be lots of fun. Yesterday someone asked me (in all seriousness, not jokingly) if they were twins. If I hadn't been so sick I might would have burst out laughing! They attract a lot of attention everywhere we go, and when Christina is with us (not as often since she's in school) people really stare. I can only imagine the looks we will get after we get our next two children home. Ernie is looking forward to having a teenage son, and he thinks Micaelyn will be irresistible. We feel blessed beyond measure and are ever grateful to God for His many blessings. We wish the same for both of you. Happy Birthday!

In celebration of your life as twins, here are some pictures of our own "twins."

They may play together...

cruise together...

bathe together...

sneak ice cream and watch tv together...

sleep together...

plan mischief together...

have the same facial expressions...

and the same gestures...

they may be brothers...

but the next time somebody asks me if this child...

and this child are twins...

I may just say, "Yes, they are. The doctors were so amazed they have become subjects of an international research project on genetics!"

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

God's perfect timing!

Remember on Micaelyn's birthday 2 1/2 weeks ago I said there was some significance to the fact her actual birth date was probably 2 weeks later? Well, during the most likely week of her birth there are lots of significant dates. February 17 was Ernie's birthday, so she could have been born on her daddy's birthday. February 19 was the day my stepdad died, so she could have been born on the anniversary of his death. This may not sound so wonderful to some, but in the adoption world we frequently see connections like this in a positive way. If our child was born on the anniversary of a loved one's death, God has given us a happy way to celebrate our loved one's life and passing on to Heaven. February 21 was the anniversary of my stepdad's funeral, and it was also my grandmother's birthday who died when I was 14. February 23 (today) is my birthday, so Micaelyn could also have been born on my birthday! I never really thought too much about my birthday since it was always a reminder of my stepdad's death, but knowing my daughter could have been born on my birthday makes it really special!!!

I first learned about all the orphaned baby girls in China when I was just a kid myself, and I determined then that I would adopt one (at least!) some day. When Ernie and I first got married 11 years ago I opened my heart up to him about how burdened I felt for all the orphans of the world, and his immediate response was, "Do you want to adopt one?" I thanked God for opening my husband's heart up so easily to adoption! We looked into adopting from China then, but we were both too young and it would be many years before I would be old enough. However, we determined that when I was old enough we would finally adopt our little girl from China that God had placed in our hearts to love until she was placed in our arms.

After waiting so many years, it was just a little ironic that when I finally turned 30 and we began the adoption process again (we had already adopted Christina from Siberia) instead of adopting a baby girl from China we adopted a little boy from India, our precious little Malachi. However, I knew God would lead us to our little girl when the time was right. I could feel her in my heart, and I knew one day I would finally bring her home.

When we started this adoption we knew this time we would finally be bringing home our little girl from China. Having never had a baby girl before, we had planned to adopt a baby. We planned to adopt a baby with moderate to severe heart defects (my B.S. is in Cardiopulmonary Rehabilitation) possibly in combination with another need such as cleft lip/palate or limb differences.

Around this time last year when we were just starting to plan for this adoption a precious little girl appeared on our agency's photolisting (and also on Rainbow Kids). She grabbed my heart, but though we were planning to later in the year we hadn't yet started the adoption process. Also, she wasn't a baby girl with heart defects as we had planned for. Being such a young girl I figured surely someone would want to adopt this precious little girl.

Several months passed and we finally got started on the adoption process. We planned to do it real slow this time so it would not be so stressful. Thus, although we officially started the process around May, we were going real slow on all the home study paperwork. All this time, the little girl that had grabbed my heart continued to wait.

By August I finally realized why God kept drawing me to the little girl that continued to wait. Although she wasn't exactly the child we had planned, she was the child HE had planned for us! We told our agency of our desire to adopt her, and in September we were officially matched with her (our agency goes through a committee process so it can take awhile to be officially matched once you make the decision to adopt a child). Little Yiyi was no longer a waiting child, she was our precious daughter!

After waiting for so many years to adopt a little girl from China, one thing I find particularly interesting about Micaelyn is her birth date. As I said, she was assigned a birth date of February 5 but was probably born a couple of weeks later, which means she could very well have been born on my birthday, and not just any birthday, but my 30th birthday! We waited so long for me to turn 30 so we could adopt a little girl from China, and then when I finally turned 30 God led us instead to our little boy in India. However, God knew what we didn't at the time - that our precious little girl had just been born and wasn't yet available for adoption. He had us wait until she was ready, and it was right when she appeared on the photolisting that He led us to start the adoption process again. As painful as it is to know I started looking at my daughter a year ago and we still haven't even gotten our dossier to China yet, I can also see God's hand in how long it has taken us to get to our daughter because if we had moved along faster on her adoption we would never have been able to bring home our new son as well!

God's timing really is perfect!!!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Micaelyn's name, part 1

My parent's divorced when I was little, and at that point I wasn't very close to my father. He lived a couple of hours away and didn't see us very much, and when he did it was so hard for me to be apart from my mom that I was pretty much miserable when I was with him. He was also having a hard time dealing with the very unexpected death of his younger brother (he had no other siblings) who had died suddenly of a heart attack at only 26 years old. Though I loved my father still, he really wasn't very active in my life then.

Thus when my mom remarried it was easy for me to embrace my stepdad as a new daddy (not as a replacement for my father, just as someone to give me the daily love I needed as a little girl). Very sadly, my stepdad died of Lou Gehrig's disease at only 28 years of age. I was heartbroken! There aren't words to describe how much I was hurting inside. I remember being told I would see him again one day in Heaven, and all I could think was how much I wanted to die then so I wouldn't have to wait so long to see him. It was just days before my 7th birthday that he died, and today is the anniversary of his funeral.

Many years ago while I was going through some old photographs and boxes of negatives for a present I was working on for my father I happened upon some things my mom had saved from my stepdad's funeral. I don't remember writing them. All I remember about the funeral was how terribly sad I felt and how indescribably awful it was to say good-bye to him that last time before they closed the casket. I don't think I will ever be able to think of that moment without crying, and though young at the time my own words from that day best describe how I felt about my stepdad.

However, as sad as that one is, it's what I wrote on the back of the next one I find especially intriguing.

To say I was distraught on that day isn't enough, there just aren't any better words to describe how I felt. However, despite my terrible grief, I knew God had a plan for me. As much as I wanted to die so I could be with my stepdad and not have to feel the pain anymore, I understood God had given me life and I wanted to live it for Him. As I got older, I chose not to dwell on my stepdad's death but rather his life. Despite the terrible disease that took him at far too young of an age, he never wavered in his faith. The words from his favorite song which was sung at the funeral tell it beautifully:

I've had many tears and sorrows
I've had questions for tomorrow
There've been times I didn't know right from wrong
But in every situation
God gave blessed consolation
That my trials only come to make me strong

I've been a lot of places
And I've seen so many faces
But there've been times I've felt so all alone
But in that lonely hour
In that precious, lonely hour
Jesus let me know I was His own

Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to trust in Jesus
I've learned to trust in God
Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to depend upon His Word

So I thank God for the mountains
And I thank Him for the valleys
I thank Him for the storms He's brought me through
Cause if I never had a problem
I wouldn't know that He could solve them
I wouldn't know what faith in His Word could do

Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to trust in Jesus
I've learned to trust in God
Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to depend upon His Word
Yes, I've learned to depend upon His Word
I've learned to depend upon His Word

In case you'd like to actually hear the song, here is a beautiful version of it by Selah.


The first part of Micaelyn's name is after my first stepdad, Michael. His life was too short, but he touched many people during his time here on earth. He may have died when I was just a small child, but he will always be a part of my life. I am very blessed to have been his "daughter," and I can think of no better way to honor him than to name my own precious daughter after him.

Friday, February 19, 2010

The Blessing of Older Child Adoption

I am so very often asked about the challenges of older child adoption. I always respond that the challenges are great, but the rewards are much greater. Children are born to love their parents. An infant sees his mother as part of himself. The child's love is instinctive. However, when a child grows up in difficult circumstances without love the instinctive love they have for a parent is forgotten. This can make things very challenging in helping your new child to overcome his/her past and learn to love and attach to us as parents. However, the joy in watching your new child overcome their past and grow into an amazing young adult with a beautiful and loving soul is indescribable! Thus, before I talk about the challenges of older child adoption as so many have asked me to do, I first want to focus on the blessing of older child adoption. I know no better way to do this than to let Christina's own beautiful words speak for themselves.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Happy Birthday, Sweetie!

My dear husband just turned 40 years old. Unfortunately thoughts of celebrating his special day were ruined. It turned out to be a very miserable day for him. I haven't seen my husband this upset in over 3 years. I felt so bad for him! It can be terribly painful to deal with difficulties like this, but at the same time there is such a special, intense, and amazing feeling that comes when we come together at times like this. Just as exercise makes the athlete stronger, these trials only make us and our marriage stronger as well. I am so proud of my husband for who he is, and I look forward to many, many more birthdays with him!

On our wedding day 11 years ago (since I didn't get a chance to mention our anniversary last month)


A note to my mom:
Thank you for being so loving and supportive to Ernie. The message you sent him first thing in the morning was very loving, and I know it made him feel good. It was wonderful for him to have that in his mind later on that day. The fact he called you first that evening says a lot, and that he called you again near midnight says even more. He knows you care about him, he knows you love him as your son. He knows he can look to you for support and encouragement. Thank you for loving my husband so beautifully. Thank you for choosing to be a positive part of our lives. I called our wonderful preacher (the one who watched me grow up and married us, then later moved to FL where he dedicated Caleb and baptized Ernie) to see what he thought about it all since he has been there from the beginning and knows the whole story. Of course, he was full of encouragement and support for us and especially Ernie, but I especially liked what he said about you. As I told him how bad I felt for my precious children for what they have to miss out on, he told me how lucky they are to have you in their lives. Yes, they are lucky, we are all lucky to have you, but much more so are we blessed to have you!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Older child adoption

I have been asked to share some of my experiences with Christina to others who are interested or in the process of adopting an older child. I will probably do it in a series of posts, e.g. language, food, academic issues, attachment, discipline, religion, etc. Please keep checking in over the next few weeks!

Monday, February 8, 2010

The best 4 little words ever to child...

After many long months of waiting, our new son's photolisting has been updated...

The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. -Psalm 126:3

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Our special girl

Right now people who are receiving non-special needs referrals of children from China have been waiting for 4 years to receive a referral of a child, and the wait is expected to continue increasing. Thus many people are switching to the special needs program (it has always been our intent to adopt special needs children, with my medical background we just never thought otherwise). Even in the special needs program, because so many people want little girls some people are waiting many long months to receive a referral. Knowing all this, it just amazes me that our little girl was featured on both our agency photolisting and Rainbow Kids (a very popular photolisting of kids from many different agencies) for so long without finding a family. She was on there around 7 months before we submitted our request to adopt her. I had prayed for her all that time before finally realizing why God wouldn't let her off my mind - she was my daughter!

Yes, Micaelyn is a "special needs" child, which in our mind just means she is that much more special. However, since her special needs will require some medical attention it's probably best if we explain them now to minimize the questions later.

Micaelyn was found on March 5, 2007. Her real birth date isn't known, but based on her size they assumed she was a month old and assigned her a birth date of February 5, 2007. Most likely, she was closer to 2 weeks old rather than 4 weeks old and was actually born around the third week of February. I'll explain the significance of that when the third week of February actually gets her. However, there are several reasons we believe she was probably born later in February, the most significant one being her size and how her other medical diagnoses indicate a particular syndrome, Beckwith-Wiedemann Syndrome (BWS), a genetic disorder associated with a defect in chromosome #11. BWS kids are often born quite large. Thus, it's most likely that Micaelyn's size at the time of her finding was not due to her being a month old but rather due to her being a BWS baby.

Micaelyn was born with her abdominal contents outside of her body. All we know about it is that when she was found she had a surgical scar in her lower abdomen. Though this birth defect would have killed her if not properly treated, after being successfully repaired there is little chance of this specific birth defect affecting her future. Abdominal wall defects are one of the major indicators of BWS.

Micaelyn was also born with an enlarged tongue, another major indicator of BWS. It did not fit well in her mouth and was said to be cyanotic (blue). Had she been here in America as an infant she would have had tongue reduction surgery before she was 12 months old. Unfortunately, she wasn't able to get this surgery done as an infant. BWS patients sometimes appear to "grow into" their tongues, but often their tongue is still larger than it should be, a situation that can lead to problems with the teeth and jaw development as well as speech problems. It can also lead to extra teasing from other kids which quite naturally causes self-esteem issues.

In the earliest pictures we have of Micaelyn (around 12 months old), her tongue is very noticeably enlarged as it was sticking out of her mouth. It appears to fit inside her mouth now, but it still seems too big. In the 6 pictures we recently received, her mouth is hanging open in 3 of them. I have to wonder if they told her to shut her mouth for the other 3 pictures, much as we tell kids to smile for their picture. In one of the pictures where her mouth is closed, there is still a crack between her lips. It looks like even though her tongue fits inside her mouth now, it doesn't fit well. Thus, Micaelyn will most likely need tongue reduction surgery after we bring her home. This is not an easy surgery, especially at her age, and we will have to travel several states away for it. It pains me to think about putting Micaelyn through such a difficult surgery so far away from home when she is still learning to trust and bond with us, but I am sure God will carry us through it all.

Another characteristic of BWS patients is that they tend to be pretty big for their age. Micaelyn's height and weight have been very high on the American growth charts, which is really unusual for a child living in southern China. In fact, if the measurements we have are correct (and they may not be), she will be noticeably bigger than Malachi who is 1 year and 5 months older than she is (Malachi is also 1 year and 5 months younger than Caleb). Thus Caleb, Malachi, and Micaelyn will look like stair steps when they are lined up together, but their sizes will be in a different order from their age! Micaelyn's head circumference has also been noticeably smaller in comparison to her height and weight, another characteristic of BWS kids.

Another symptom sometimes seen with BWS kids is hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) in the newborn period. We have no way of knowing if this was a problem with Micaelyn, but we pray it was not because untreated hypoglycemia can lead to intellectual deficiencies (and is probably the reason that lower IQ is sometimes mentioned as a concern with BWS patients).

The most concerning part of BWS is the high risk for childhood cancer. BWS patients are supposed to receive abdominal ultrasounds every 12 weeks during their childhood years to screen for abdominal tumors. They should also have blood work done every 6 weeks during their infancy/toddler/preschool years to screen for tumors of the liver. Unfortunately, Micaelyn has not been receiving this screening in China. They did finally do some blood work and an ultrasound in December at our request, and while the results were good I was extremely disappointed the ultrasound did not address the kidney, the most likely spot for tumors. It pains me to know my daughter is at such high risk for tumors (very fast-growing tumors), and I am not able to get the screening for her she needs. Once again, all I can do is trust in the One who holds my precious child in the palm of His hands to keep her safe and healthy.

Although the risk of tumors should decrease as Micaelyn gets older, she will always be at a higher risk for other kidney problems. Unfortunately, her orphanage was one of the ones that used the formula that had been tainted with melamine. Even though she is in foster care, the orphanage that handles the foster care probably supplied the formula to the family. This tainted formula is known to cause kidney problems, so for a child who is already prone to kidney problems this is extra concerning. Even if she does not have kidney stones, there is no way to rule out the possibility the tainted formula added undue stress to her kidneys that will contribute to the development of problems later on since she was already at risk for these problems due to her BWS.

We don't worry about all the unknowns, the possibilities, or the risks with Micaelyn. We just love her with all our heart and thank God for the blessing of her in our loves. We don't consider her to be a "special needs" child, we just consider her to be extra special!

Here are the remaining pictures we received of her this past week. Click on the top one to see it larger and you will notice a dragon-fly on her sleeve. Based on her expression and the position of her arm I don't think she was too excited about it. In the next picture it is further up on her arm near her neck, and her head is tilted away from it. I can't help but wonder if the photographer didn't notice what had her so perturbed!




Friday, February 5, 2010

Our Guiyang Gal

With it being her birthday, I wanted to focus on our sweet little Micaelyn today. Today is her third birthday, the last one she will spend without us.

Our little Micaelyn lives in Guiyang, a city in the province of Guizhou in southern China. It is the poorest province in all of China, but what it lacks in money it more than makes up for in other ways. It looks to be a beautiful place, very green with a lot of mountains. It is well known for the high proportion of minority groups that live there. The Miao people are especially prevalent in Guizhou. In 2008 some missionaries visited our church, and they happen to live in Guizhou ministering to the Miao people. Unfortunately I was out of town when they visited (uuugh, I would have loved to have been there!), but my husband kept a card from them telling about their work in Guizhou ministering to the Miao people. I kept this card in my Bible, never knowing my own daughter lived in that same region. After we found out where Micaelyn lived, I was amazed to realize when God had led us to pray for the people in Guizhou, He was also leading us to our daughter! There are not many adoptions from Guizhou, so I would never have guessed my daughter was there, but God knew!

I'll tell more about her soon, but for now I want to share some new pictures. After requesting them months ago, we finally got new pictures of Micaelyn last week. Unfortunately, these "new" pictures are actually 4 1/2 months old. :( Since we were in the midst of trying to get approval for our son when these came, I thought I would wait until that was past and share them today on her birthday instead.


Oh, how desperately I want to see her sweet smile!

Moving along

Today was a busy, crazy day! Among other things, I went to the doctor's office to pick up the new copies of our medical forms (I had them redone because the notary's commission had expired). When I picked them up, they were once again notarized with an expiration date of Feb 3, 2010. Thankfully, the notary actually had gotten her commission renewed, she had just used the wrong stamp. Thankfully also, I had given them 2 copies of the form in case they made mistakes, and they just happened to still have the other blank forms in our records. I just hope the two holes they had put at the top don't cause any problems when we get the certifications/authentication from our state, the US State Dept, and the Chinese embassy. I'll go back Monday to pick them up, and hopefully this time they will be done right!

Another important thing I did today was pick up our amended home study and mail it to the USCIS for our I-1800A approval. It has been 3 months now since I sent our original home study and application to them. I never dreamed it would take this long to get our approval, but as hard as it is to wait I know God's timing is perfect! Hopefully we will get the approval (for two kids!) early next week. Once we have that, we will have everything we need to be able to finalize our dossier!

We need everything from this point on to move through without delay. Actually, we need everything to move through with miraculous speed. The biggest concern is our son's 14th birthday in early September since his adoption must be completed before then, but I am really hoping we travel by June. School here starts the first week of August, and I would like him to be able to start school at the beginning of the school year after first having had at least a couple of weeks to get over jet lag and make some initial adjustments to his new life. It will be much harder for him if he starts school later, and as hard as it will be to transition to an entirely new life with a new family, new language, new culture, etc. I'd rather not turn school into a bigger problem than it may already be for him. So now that our agency has miraculously given us approval to adopt him our new prayer is for a miraculously quick process to get him home!

Happy 3rd Birthday, Micaelyn!

Happy 3rd birthday, precious angel! It's so hard to know you are growing so much without me, but while I wait to hold you in my arms forever you will be safe in the palms of God's hands, the only One whose love for you is greater than my own. As always, I blow kisses to you in the wind. May you have sweet dreams tonight of our life together as a family.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

With God ALL things are possible!!!!

I am so very excited to announce our agency has agreed to let us adopt the 13 year old boy, our new son!

I will write more later - it is such an amazing story that deserves to be told, but right now I have some adoption paperwork to do! I have to write the LOI (Letter Of Intent, the document we send to China expressing our desire to adopt him), and there is other paperwork to be done as well. We have to get the USCIS part figured out ASAP because the deadline for our RFE is almost here. Now we have to figure out how to get the approval changed for 2 kids, we have to get the home study amended, etc. Also, the notary on our medical forms expires tomorrow, so now I have to go to the doctor's office and get our medical forms redone. I hope that will not be a problem. It wasn't the easiest thing in the world to get it done with the notary the first time, so I'm not enthusiastic about doing it again!

Time to get to work! Keep checking in. With the deadline of our son's 14th birthday this will be quite an adventurous journey, and now that the waiting and wondering is over I will be much better at blogging!

Monday, February 1, 2010

13 year old boy

The agency meets tomorrow morning (Tuesday, February 2) for a final decision. Please pray for the people at the agency involved in the decision making process. Pray they will look into the eyes of this child and make a decision based on him rather than on a rule. Pray they will put themselves in this child's shoes, for if they do the answer will be clear.