Joshua's Adoption Day (Wednesday, September 8)

On Sunday (September 5) we received Micaelyn, Monday we finalized the adoption, Tuesday was a down day, and Wednesday morning we left Guiyang to get Joshua.  Because of his 14th birthday the officials made a rare exception to the rule requiring 24 hours between placement and finalization so that we actually finalized his adoption on the same day we received him.

Unfortunately, Joshua's Adoption Day turned out to be a very difficult day (the difficulties had NOTHING to do with him - he was great).  We had left home a week and a half earlier with Caleb being very sick.  Naturally, me being the one to hold him, care for him, and sleep with him, I ended up getting sick too.  The night before we got Joshua was a miserable night with me being very sick, Caleb still being somewhat sick, Micaelyn crying a great deal of the night, and the boys getting woke up by her crying.  Thus I ended up getting absolutely NO sleep to add to the extreme cold I had, not to mention the pink-eye I had (and I had to keep wearing my contacts since I had no glasses).

We had to leave for the airport too early to get breakfast at the hotel (which was really frustrating since it had such a good breakfast buffet which we had already paid for).  It was chaos trying to get all the luggage and kids out of the hotel that early, and we were running late for the flight.  At the airport there was the usual chaos of getting checked in and getting through security.  It was made all the worse by the fact Caleb's toy bag (which we had saved as a carry-on), had his souvenir from climbing the Great Wall in Beijing, a sling-shot.  The security people considered it a weapon and took it, which was heartbreaking to Caleb.  He had begged for us to get him one when we first saw them upon arrival at the Great Wall, and we had promised him if he climbed the whole way with us we'd get him one.  It was an extremely difficult climb even for us adults, but as a sick 6 year old it took extreme effort for him to make it (and he did break down into tears many times along the way).  As promised we had rewarded him with the sling-shot for his effort, so to have it taken away was really sad.

Things didn't get any better once we finally got onto the plane (barely in time).  We were hot, crowded, and hungry.  Micaelyn was NOT happy.  She started crying and screaming to "go home."  Of course, we became the object of everyone's fascination and were stared at endlessly by half the plane.  The people behind us started trying to talk to Micaelyn, and immediately she saw them as her chance to get what she wanted.  She decided she wanted nothing to do with us and screamed that much more.  The flight attendant offered to take her to the back of the plane (thankfully we were in the next-to-last row).  I knew it would not be good to let her go, but with half the plane staring and obviously talking about us I really couldn't refuse.  Naturally, Micaelyn saw this young lady (who she started calling "big sister") as her savior.  She absolutely refused to have anything to do with us after that, and when the flight attendant had to give her back for the landing she showed everyone just how big a tantrum she could throw.

Thus by the time we got to Joshua I was exhausted from lack of sleep, miserable from illness (which was greatly exacerbated by the plane ride and the fact I NEVER got my ears to clear from the pressure changes), and worn-out from dealing with Micaelyn's screaming, meeting Caleb and Malachi's needs, traveling, etc.

When we arrived at the building where we were to meet Joshua once again, just as with Micaelyn, we met him outside of the building.  I recognized him as soon as the car stopped even though he was just inside the doors with his back to us.  He had on the same clothes he had worn in the few pictures we had of him.  It was a very awkward moment when we walked in and stepped onto the same elevator with him.  The government officials and our guides were obviously not expecting us to meet him that way, and he was obviously very nervous and quiet.  Once we got to the top he was taken away and they apologized for the awkwardness of how we had met, but of course that made it very anti-climatic once he was brought to us again.

We waited around for quite awhile in a large near-empty room.  Because it was a Wednesday it was very quiet, not like it usually is for adoptions. Usually there are many families getting their children all at once, but because of Joshua's 14th birthday we had to complete his adoption THEN, not wait until the start of the next week (most parents receive their children at the beginning of the week and complete the adoption the next day - getting Joshua on Wednesday and completing his adoption the same day was very unusual and was only done because the adoption had to be completed and registered before his 14th birthday).  The whole time Micaelyn was crying and begging to "go home" to her foster family.  Caleb and Malachi wanted to leave, and I'm sure Joshua did too.  Finally they were ready for us, we signed all the paperwork to complete Joshua's adoption, and we were able to go back to the hotel.

We could tell right away that Joshua was a very quiet kid.  He wouldn't make eye contact, wouldn't speak much even to the Chinese people.  We could tell he was very uncomfortable with physical affection so we didn't try to hug him, and we learned right away he really hated having his picture made.  Thus, because I didn't want to upset him on his first day with us, I didn't try to take his picture no matter how much I wanted to.  Instead I gave some cameras to him and Caleb in hopes of getting a few pictures that way.  He didn't let Caleb take his picture either, but he did enjoy taking pictures.  Here are a few he took. 

It was sweet to hear Joshua trying to pose Caleb and Micaelyn for the picture.  The "peace" sign (or "V for Victory") is common in Chinese photos, so it's no surprise he was having them do this.

You can really see her sadness.

Caleb took this picture of Micaelyn eating fried rice at Pizza Hut.  We really loved the Pizza Hut there - their pizza was excellent and they had more things on their menu than most restaurants in America, everything from soups, rice dishes, steaks, lamb, chicken, seafood, an unbelievable variety.

Free day in Guiyang (Tuesday, September 7)

Thankfully, the day after we completed the adoption paperwork, we finally had a free day. It was really good to not have to go anywhere with Micaelyn. Whenever we were with the guide/driver/etc. she would cry to go back to her foster family. The more time we spent with Chinese people the more she would want them over us. As long as it was just us she readily wanted me to hold her (she didn't want anything to do with her new daddy!). Thus it was good to have a day to spend alone with her. We were able to take our time at the breakfast buffet, take a nap during the day (at least we tried!), take a couple of walks around the hotel, and visit an American owned coffee shop that had great sandwiches, soup, and smoothies.  It was a much needed break for Micaelyn.  The trip back to the Civil Affairs Office and orphanage the previous day (one or both of which she had probably been on numerous occasions with her foster family since the government officials had to keep records on her and monitor her development) had really been hard for her.  I think once we came back from those places she really started to understand the finality of her life with her foster family.  Her grieving was extreme.

My poor little girl was so sad.  She would look endlessly out the window, crying for her foster dad to come to her.

She kept holding the picture I had given her of her foster dad and her on her birthday.  When we sent the care package to her for her birthday many months before I was disappointed to have gotten only one photo, but in the end that photo was priceless.  The thing in her other hand is toothpaste.  I had sent it in the care package but it was returned unopened.  However, while she apparently didn't know what it was, she knew it had come from her home so she wouldn't let it go.

The window from our room overlooked WalMart, which was underground.  The glass pyramids are the entrances, the beautiful lawn is the roof.  In the very bottom right hand corner you can just barely see the river that runs through the town.

Caleb standing at the entrance to a Chinese WalMart.  It was an interesting place, to say the least!  Aside from being a great place to get food, cheap toys, and other necessities, it was  a great way to pass the time and keep the kids occupied.

Walking was a great way to give Micaelyn a break from crying.  Although she was still sad, she obviously enjoyed riding around in the stroller.

She was very interested in everything.

Standing on the roof of WalMart

When she saw the boys posing for their picture she decided she wanted to do the same and climbed out of the stroller to get her picture made.  Of course, she was grieving too much to smile, but I took it as a positive sign that she was at least interacting, wanting to be involved.

WalMart's roof was so beautifully landscaped, and in a city packed with buildings it provided a great park for all the people.

We were really impressed with the idea of WalMart underground with a park on top - what a great way to add shopping amenities without taking away from the landscape, and as well as it was maintained it actually added to the landscape.

Micaelyn's Adoption Day (Monday, September 6)

We received Micaelyn on Sunday, September 5, and the next day we were able to complete the adoption paperwork officially making her our daughter.  Given the significance of the day I wanted to go back and blog about it before moving forward.

After a restless first night with us, Micaelyn understandably woke up teary eyed.

She packed her bag and headed for the door.  She was frustrated she couldn't get everything she wanted into her little backpack.  I think she really liked the shoes I had brought for her because she chose to wear them and pack the others, but since both wouldn't fit she decided to carry one.  The orange puppy was from the foster family, and the pink butterfly wand was one we had bought for her when we had walked to WalMart the previous evening (the day we received her).

Considering how much she was missing her foster family I considered it a great blessing to get a few smiles out of her.

For more than a year I had looked at Micaelyn's picture knowing she was my daughter, and I had so often imagined how cute she would look with little piggie tails (she had little to no hair in the few pictures we had of her, and it was never pulled up).  I was so very happy to finally put her hair up in piggie tails with little bows!

Big brother Caleb tried so hard to comfort her.

I knew going back to the Civil Affairs Office to complete the adoption paperwork would be very difficult. Just the day before her foster family had brought her there. Returning there was certain to cause her to expect to see them again, and when they didn't show up it would only increase her grieving. Unfortunately we had no choice, despite how confusing and painful it would be for Micaelyn.

Just as we expected, she broke down when we got back to the Civil Affairs Office.

It was absolutely heartbreaking to see her so upset, but at the same time we felt so very grateful our precious little girl had been loved enough to cause such heartache.  That she had been so greatly loved and cared for, that she had felt love and been able to give it back, meant she knew how to accept love and to love those who loved her.  That she had been so closely attached to a family before meant she would have the capacity to strongly attach to us.  Thus, while it was heartbreaking to watch her suffer such tremendous pain over the loss of her foster family, it was also a blessing to know she had been so greatly loved.

Caleb was trying so hard to be a good big brother to her.

 

One aspect of her special need, Beckwith Weidemann Syndrome, is an enlarged tongue.  Thus it often protrudes somewhat from her mouth, and she rarely closes her mouth all the way.

In order to get a picture of her with her mouth closed I usually have to catch her just after she swallows.  I think she is always adorable, but with her mouth closed it's easy to see just how beautiful she really is.

She was so cute carrying a cup of water around in one hand, the little wand we had bought at WalMart in the other hand.  She liked filling her mouth with water and holding it there.

She had to put her hand print on the adoption paperwork.  I was really praying none of the red ink would get on her beautiful little dress my mom had made for her!

She was extremely fascinated by the digital cameras!

After we completed the adoption paperwork at the Civil Affairs Office we visited the orphanage where Micaelyn was taken after she was first found as an infant. It was a long drive on a rather hot day. It had already been bad enough that we had to go back to the Civil Affairs Office, the same place where Micaelyn's foster family had left her the day before. I knew going to the orphanage wouldn't help matters any, but I also knew it was important. I wanted to see it, and even more significantly I wanted the boys to see it, especially Caleb who I knew had enough maturity to really learn something and be changed by the visit.

After the long drive we ended up spending a lot of time waiting around in a small room before actually touring the orphanage. All 3 of the kids were hot, bored, and cranky. Micaelyn was doing her best to convince all the Chinese people (e.g. our guide, driver, etc.) to take her back to her family. Ernie wondered why we were wasting our time and going to so much trouble just to see the orphanage, especially since Micaelyn spent so little time there. However, as soon as we started touring the orphanage and seeing kids his mind was changed, he understood. He saw the line of preschoolers sitting on baby potties, looking lifeless as if they were accustomed to sitting there for endless hours each day. He saw the sweet faces of children and felt the tug of his heart for those precious boys and girls. He was hugged by a boy who wanted nothing more than to be loved, who the social workers told us had been praying for a family, all while knowing chances are very slim his wish will ever come true. It certainly wasn't our first visit to an orphanage, and of all our adopted children Micaelyn spent the least time in the orphanage (after about 2 weeks she was place with a foster family through the orphanage), but even so it was life changing. Ernie even admitted to me later that evening how significant it had been to see those children and that he felt bad for getting angry with me about going there.

I wish more people could experience that, see countless precious children so desperate for a family, desperately wanting to be loved. I have been to orphanages in Siberia (Russia), India, and China. Though the children may all look very different, inside they are all precious souls in need of love. It may seem a big challenge to jump through so many hurdles completing endless paperwork, travel around the world, and bring home a child who has lived in a completely different culture, knows no English, and may have any number of physical and psychological issues to deal with, but the blessings far outweigh the challenges!

I think Caleb was nearly as upset as I was at the orphanage.  Even at his young age he could feel the terrible sadness that comes in seeing so many precious young children with no mommies and daddies to love them, no home, few if any toys, etc.  Here he is looking at 2 babies sharing a small bed.  One of them had it's head stuck in between the bars and was crying when we walked in.  This would have been the room Micaelyn was put in before she went to her foster family, so she may very well have lain in the same bed.

The trip to the orphanage was truly heartbreaking. It is always difficult to see the ones who are left behind, the ones who continue to wait, the ones who may never feel the love of a family. Their faces will be forever etched in our memory, their hearts will be forever remembered in our prayers. However, when you see that, when you see the life that was almost your child's, you can't help but never want to let go of her while also vowing to do all that you can to help more people understand the joy of adoption in hopes more children will come to know the love of a family.

Walking back to the van with the driver.  He was a wonderfully sweet man, and an amazing driver!

Standing together outside of Micaelyn's orphanage.  She was brought in through those doors as an orphan, but she left as our BELOVED DAUGHTER, praise God!!!

At the end of the day Micaeyln got her first bath from Mommy.  She wasn't too happy about it, but at least she was clean!